I’ll bet you will


Thanks to all your smses and mails, I got 5% of my phone list done. Thanks to name lists from the phones of my wife and my sons, I got another 10%. But a full 75% came from the phones of my maid, milkman, provisionwala and raddiwala. I never knew I had so much in common with them.

That leaves the 10% of you.

Don’t you rejoice, thinking you have escaped. The game’s not over yet. No matter where in the world you hide, I’ll search, select and copy paste you. Be warned, you aren’t dealing with Sherlock Holmes who could only solve what by his own submission was elementary. We are talking about Hercule Poirot’s baap here. 007’s mama. (No Rohan, that doesn’t make you James Bond!)

We are talking about Agent RR. He needs no hoods, no masks, no capes. Just himself. He who can take one look at the poo and tell which dog in the society did it. Or in some cases, which master did it.

After all, we are talking about someone who has always managed to hit bystanders and never the dartboard, picked up the only scratch-and-win card that offered a lollypop, from hundreds that offered BMW, plasma TV, ipads, ovens, microwaves.

Remember, you are no Osama and I’m no US of A to take forever to find each other.

Airdrop Cuban cigars at the Pak-Afghan border. Idiot Osama and his men would send us smoke signals. Simple.

Release the Hindi film Tere Bin Laden there. Arrest the one who whistles and dances on the aisle as Osama makes his entry on the screen. He’s no Osama fan. He is Osama. See?

I don’t need the RTI, FBI or CBI to find you. Just I would do. But I hate strongarm tactics. The fun is in doing it pyaar se, persuasion se. I did it for a living, 25 years.

Sold fairness soaps to Dravidians promising to turn them into Caucasians in one bath.

Sold emergency contraceptives (morning-after pills) to 50-year-old women who have done nothing of significance the night-before for years.

Persuading people to buy what they don’t need, motivating people to do what they don’t want to do is a skill that advertising hones to perfection in you over the years.

Let me demonstrate. Let us assume that you don’t want to send me your number. Let us assume that I want it very badly. And, let us assume that I have exactly one tweet-long line to convince you to do it. How am I going to do it? Advertising tells you to always use one of these hooks in your line to make people act- emotion, reward, intrigue. Ladies and gentleman sit back and watch as I use all the three in one tweet to make you fall for it- hook, line and sinker. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you. Resist this if you can:

“It’s not about losing my phone. It’s about losing your number. How will I now tell you what I’ve always wanted to? Will your sms ever come?”

Psst…while on the subject of Motivation, here’s a nice clip on what motivates people.


5 responses to this post.

  1. Inner thoughts….crisis of 50`s……err touching 50`s is what I meant…but hey my mind still says 20`s….what say you…..


    • The best part of being this old is that you have the entire spectrum to choose from, according to convenience. Be irresponsible like a kid, irreverent like a teen or carefree like in 20s, and everyone will say how young you are at heart. When things go wrong, demand more respect by reminding them that you are a mature, wise, experienced senior citizen…okay, the getting-there kinds. 🙂


  2. Posted by Sunit on November 12, 2010 at 8:25 am

    So here’s the deal. If you want my number, you have to work for it. 

    The first two digits are the most common two digits in mobile phones in India. 

    If you add the number formed by the next three digits to that formed by the first two digits, you will get your erstwhile extension number at Network. 

    The sixth till the ninth digits are same as yours. Only the middle two are transposed. 

    The last digit is something you need to work out. The only hint I can give you is: May the FORCE be with you. There are a lot of movies in the Psycho series. 

    The video you shared is fabulous. Just an attempt to implement the learning. 

    Will await your SMS after you’ve worked it out. 



    • Raise the bar, raise the bar! That was too easy. Sent you an sms in 2 minutes. And whoa, what was all the next one hour about! 37 smses? So unlike you. And contents! Getting naughty, eh? And what was that about sending that sexy pic saying that’s you? Eh, wait a minute! Oh my God! Are you telling me I got your number wrong? Yippee! 🙂


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