New, Improved Nature! Almost.


Thanks to stories, lies and the unbound imagination of a child, nothing in our heads at that age are absolute truths. They are either pure fantasies, or facts liberally mixed with fiction.

What a wonderful hub of creativity that little head is! A potent mix of ignorance, innocence and imagination.

Unfortunately, most of those early scripts that we write and co-write in our heads, fade away with that terrible destroyer of all, called age.

Some are reasoned out by the rising influence of intelligence. This tyrant is merciless on the illogical and the unproven.

But a lucky few myths escape detection and remain. They grow and evolve. Mostly in disguise, just to survive the surveillance of wisdom.

Peer carefully into your head. Some of those beliefs you cooked up years ago would still be around masquerading as dreams.

Recognise them?

I have.

Most of them are too silly and stupid to discuss in such an evolved forum.

But if you promise not to laugh, I might muster enough courage to blurt out a less embarrassing one just now.

Let’s see…

Give me time to warm up, okay?

This one is particularly close to my heart. It has grown with me, become bigger and more elaborate through the years.

It was seeded in my head around the time when I was eight, when someone told me that Nature had a huge office from where she runs her daily operations on a 24-hour shift.

Understand, eight in 1969 was a gullible child, not who he is today. So, I imagined a huge Government Secretariat kind of office with dusty files, creaky furniture and bored people, simply because that’s the biggest office I had seen until then.

No cyclone or famine by Nature, shook me. After all, it was most expected from a chaotic office like that. In fact, I thought of it as a miracle how Nature managed to get the other million things correct daily.

As the world around me progressed, the little myth in my head kept pace.

That eight-year-old’s Nature’s office is today a master control room on the lines of NASA. The 5-floor atrium is a mind-boggling visual of highly sophisticated and complicated monitors, controls and instruments. The kind of place that would boast of 99.99% efficiency.

So, the cyclone and famines?

Well, I now know Nature’s classified truth! Shh…don’t tell anyone, they aren’t accidents! They are deliberate undercover deeds, like any evil that big corporations and nations perpetuate for “the greater good of humanity”.

See how over time, a child’s fantasy gets mixed with an aging man’s cynicism.

But the thing with half-sleep is that it doesn’t recognise your age.

So, the other day I was this rebellious teen on a mission to discover Nature’s Control Room, and maybe even infiltrate it.

Yes, Hollywood is right. Such places are always somewhere in the snow-covered nowheres of Siberia.

There it was, Nature’s NASA!

One look, and I knew it wouldn’t be easy to get into that heavily guarded fortress.

But again, by now even a child knows how to avoid searchlights, duck laser beams and go about in the dark, muffling, slitting, decapitating each of those highly trained guards, one by one.

By early morning I was in, wearing the uniform of the insiders, moving around like one of them.

On the way to the coffee machine, I sneak into the strongroom and open vaults that contain classified information.

How so easily, you ask?

You can crack any code by putting an ear to the door. And all locks in the world click open if fiddled with for a few nail-biting seconds using a hairpin.

As for the doors that open only with passwords, well, don’t even dream of getting it right in the first try. If it allows only three attempts, go directly to the last attempt without wasting any time.

I do that.

Now, the third and last chance left. Think hard, the password will have to be something someone once told me, and didn’t make sense then. Think hard, think fast I can hear footsteps!

It has got to be something Nature would think of. Something that symbolises her work. Feminine. Promising. Beautiful.

Ah yes, Rose Bud!

I key in xxxxxxx.

The door opens.

Thank you, Orson Welles!

There I am, inside the control room that runs this Universe!

What now?

I take out a long list from my pocket. It is a list that I have been carrying since childhood.

That’s a list of things wrong with Nature, that need to be corrected.

Here are 12 of them from that list in random order:

  1. Sun to rise in the West and set in the East. Why should we Easterners wake up first always?
  2. Roses not to have thorns.
  3. Tornadoes and hurricanes to die down when they come within 2 km from a living being.
  4. Seas to part for every man and woman, not just for Moses.
  5. No life on other planets. In fact, no planets, stars and galaxies except the Earth. Maybe even Venus, if it is true that women are from there.
  6. No father or mother or child to die. The rest can go to hell.
  7. Every night to have full moons. Romance can’t be once-a-month affairs.
  8. Frogs to have no voice; porcupines, no spines; and men, no nostril hair.
  9. Women to not gain weight or age after 22.
  10. Men to be slowly phased out.
  11. Ocean bed to be raised to diveable depths and made walkable. Seas will be made crystal clear.
  12. People to be born educated, knowledgeable and with the ability to snorkel, ski, swim and dance. And do mental math.

However, before all that, there’s something far more important that I wish to change.

It is said that childhood is wasted on children, youth on the young and wisdom on the old.

What if I find the controls for those and change it around?

What if I give the old’s understanding of life, to children?

Wouldn’t they learn to enjoy and make the most of the wonder years, rather than just waste it away bawling and protesting- first for milk, then against milk?

What if I give the young, the innocence of the child?

Wouldn’t they stop ruining their lives with an overdose of sex, drugs and violence?

What if I give the old, the optimism of the young?

Wouldn’t the fogies stop being so pessimistic about everything in life, and not write such posts?

Perfect, you say?


Here I stand, amidst the power that can change this world in an instant.

And then the truth hits me!

That’s the problem with half-sleep. They can get real when you don’t want them to.

Standing in front of what was the largest console that I have ever seen in life, I realise that I have always had this phobia for gizmos and am quite an illiterate when it comes to technology.

How the hell is someone who hasn’t learnt to type, use remotes, play PlayStation, or understood all the functions of his phone yet, ever going to figure out what, where and how on this console?

I stand and wonder as the footsteps get closer. The siren sounds a security breach!

Damn, it is the Pressure Cooker.

Dinner is over-cooked! And my wife will be back in 10!

I strike out Point 5 from my To-Change list.


4 responses to this post.

  1. Loved your post. I’m sure I had lots of amuzing thoughts in my head when I was a child. Unfortunately, I don’t remember most of them. You are so lucky to have such a good memory 🙂


  2. Good memory is fine, but an okay imagination is even better 🙂


  3. For some reason the “like” on your post is not happening, therefore i thought i’d just say loved your post, [assuming this comment will get posted] wish you’d write more often and not the once a month trend…


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