I hope Pakistan wins…oops!

 

Imagine the impact of 5 Rajinikant films releasing on the same day.

Imagine Barkha Dutt, Arnab Goswami and Rajdeep Sardesai on the same Talk Show. Now, imagine 20 times that din.

Imagine cities- why, even nations- swamped and drowned in a sea of emotions.

That’s going to be the high-voltage drama, the high-decibel hype and the high-octane excitement for the next couple of days.

It will disrupt our daily life more pleasantly than disasters and more voluntarily than political bandhs do.

It will unify a nation and partition two nations in a less bloody way than a war, but as effectively.

It’s the India-Pakistan World Cup Semi-Final clash.

In the middle of all the million hearts that are beating in a lub-dub, lub-dub chorus for India, there’s one that’s going dub-lub, dub-lub in favour of Pakistan. At the risk of being dubbed an ISI agent, I confess- that’s mine.

Sorry, I’m praying for a Pakistani win.

Here are 10 reasons why.

1. This Pakistani team lacks hate-worthy characters like Saleem Malik, Javed Miandad, Syed Anwar and batsman Afridi. The present guys don’t even know to sledge. The only thing they mumble are their prayers. My heart goes out to their baby-faced simpletons who accept the MOM awards and say, “I thanks Allah!” I fear that if they lose to India, they would end up like a retired-early Inzaman with a beehive beard.

2. I know what our fantasy-finish would be: India in the final where Sachin scores his 100th international century and India lift the cup. But mark my words, if that ever happens, Sachin would announce his retirement the very next day. Sorry, I can’t let that happen. The world hasn’t seen enough of him yet.

3. In the euphoria that follows an Indian win, my worry is that we would forget all our anger and hatred, and vote back the deserve-to-go Governments in the states going in for polls immediately after. If that happens, I warn you, our democracy would be in peril.

4. I want to test the Shiv Sena threat when the Pakistani team lands in Mumbai to play the final.

5. If India loses, our cricketing stars would lose their sheen. What that means is marketers would shift their focus from getting bigger brand ambassadors to offering better prices. Inflation would reduce.

6. In the form that Yuvraj is in, he’s most likely to be the hero of any Indian victory. Have you thought of the prospect of having to watch Yuvi’s dad, resurrected, in channel after channel?

7. What about the prospect of having to endure a hyperventilating Sidhu and his Sidhuisms?

8. And then there’s Sehwag’s maa. Poor thing. I hate to see channels intrude into her kitchen or disrupt her bhajans and ask her about the milk that Sehwag drinks.

9. It’s not fair to ask Indians to give it all they have got. After all, it isn’t fair to put them through so much cricket and make them peak so early. What would they do when the Cup that matters begins on the 8th of April? IPL- their bread and butter.

10. And finally, don’t forget that if everything goes as per BCCI & ICC’s plan, and India does win the World Cup, there’s going to be that standard team snap on the front page of our newspapers next morning. And holding aloft the cup, screaming the loudest and looking at his annoying best would be none other than our own Sreesanth. Trust me, it would then be too late to wish otherwise.

So, here’s to the biggest sporting spectacle- correction- the biggest spectacle on the planet!

May the better side lose!